Yorkshires Rivers Get a Fishy Makeover Verified listing

Swimming Against the Current: Yorkshire's Rivers Get a Fishy Makeover

By Moggiemate, Chief Correspondent (Professional Observer of Water-Based Snacks)

Look, something's going on with Yorkshire's rivers, and I'm not sure how I feel about it.

The humans are spending actual money—money that could've gone toward premium tuna—on helping fish swim upstream. They're building fish ladders, tearing down weirs, and undertaking the entire ecological restoration process. Making life easier for salmon and trout.

As a cat with hunting instincts, you'd think I'd love this. More fish swimming around means more things to watch. But it's not that simple.

The Good Bit (Apparently)

The environmentalists are losing their minds over this. You'd think someone invented edible grass. Local people are excited about clearer water and the fish they haven't seen in years. Kids are learning about ecosystems and other related topics. Fishermen are happy, though they just throw the fish back anyway, so what's the point?

The rivers look better. Otters moved back in. Herons are everywhere. Even the bugs are thriving. Very nature documentary. Very feel-good.

Here's the Thing, Though

Nobody's talking about how this complicates MY life.

I spent years perfecting my pond technique. Had the whole thing down—patience, timing, surprise. Now they're telling me fish are getting better at swimming? They're getting help? Little staircases and clear routes, and probably someone cheering them on?

Where's my funding? Where's my ladder? Have you ever tried jumping on the counter after someone moves the chair? That's what this is.

Who Actually Benefits

Fine. This is good for Yorkshire. The humans are happier, which means I get more treats. The rivers are healthier, which affects my water bowl. Not that I use it—I drink from the bathroom tap like a civilised creature.

There's more wildlife around, which makes for better viewing. Yesterday I watched a heron by the stream for three hours. Didn't catch it. Didn't learn anything. But it was interesting.

The Verdict

Yorkshire's rivers are recovering. Fish are swimming. Ecosystems are bouncing back. People are pleased with themselves.

And yeah, it's good. Humans need their little wins. Gives them something to discuss while I'm trying to sleep on their laps. Makes them feel useful.

The increased biodiversity has turned my garden into a virtual nature reserve, which boosts my status as the resident apex predator. And watching fish is free entertainment.

Just don't expect me to actually lend a hand. I'm busy with important things like napping, judging everyone, and knocking stuff off shelves.

But well done, Yorkshire. Your rivers are sorted, your fish are migrating, and your cats are keeping a close eye on everything.

Now there's a sunbeam calling, and I need to think about whether I care about any of this.

Moggiemate is an award-winning feline journalist (self-awarded). This was written between 2:00 PM and 2:07 PM, the only productive window in an otherwise full day of sleeping.